Doug's Testimonial
I was 20 years into my Fire Service career, dealing well with the vehicle accidents; suicides; old folks homes; shootings; drownings; SIDs; and other assorted pain and death. Then one sunny day while having a cocktail at a bar on the lake, a boatload of childhood friends accidentally backed over one of their own and everything fell apart.
When we go to a call, we wear our armor and go as a team, ready for battle. When a peaceful happy scene of families socializing and kids crawdad fishing, instantly turns into a horror scene, you just aren't prepared. No armor, no safety equipment, no tourniquets, no gloves or ambu bags...no brothers and sisters to help and help you get through it. No shift dinner, where everyone gets it off their chest. No senior guy to pull you aside & talk you off the ledge.
I had taken the standard Fire month off to be at my cabin with my family and friends. That night and every night for 2 months, I woke terrified. In a cold sweat, screaming at the visual of his leg 10 feet below me in the crystal clear water, as I tried to stem the bleeding and perform CPR. Add to that, the 100 screaming adults and the children crying and looking on in horror. After a few days, I realized I couldn't "get over it" and feared going to sleep, knowing what was coming at 4am.
I called my BC and he got me in touch with Mike Gonzalez of the SMCo Critical Incident Team. Without his help through phone consults, in person meeting and follow up I would have resigned or been one of the many professional drunks that we've all worked with. I could write a book on all the details of his counsel, but I'll leave you with one thing he told me and that I tell new recruits.
We are all buckets, and our buckets get filled with pain and horrible scenes and one day may overflow. It’s different for everyone. But once your bucket overflows, you need help to regain your balance.
I hope your buckets never overflow, but with time and The Critical Incident Team’s help, I can now go have a punch on the same dock with family and friends and the memories stay where they belong.
~ Doug, Foster City Firefighter (retired)
When we go to a call, we wear our armor and go as a team, ready for battle. When a peaceful happy scene of families socializing and kids crawdad fishing, instantly turns into a horror scene, you just aren't prepared. No armor, no safety equipment, no tourniquets, no gloves or ambu bags...no brothers and sisters to help and help you get through it. No shift dinner, where everyone gets it off their chest. No senior guy to pull you aside & talk you off the ledge.
I had taken the standard Fire month off to be at my cabin with my family and friends. That night and every night for 2 months, I woke terrified. In a cold sweat, screaming at the visual of his leg 10 feet below me in the crystal clear water, as I tried to stem the bleeding and perform CPR. Add to that, the 100 screaming adults and the children crying and looking on in horror. After a few days, I realized I couldn't "get over it" and feared going to sleep, knowing what was coming at 4am.
I called my BC and he got me in touch with Mike Gonzalez of the SMCo Critical Incident Team. Without his help through phone consults, in person meeting and follow up I would have resigned or been one of the many professional drunks that we've all worked with. I could write a book on all the details of his counsel, but I'll leave you with one thing he told me and that I tell new recruits.
We are all buckets, and our buckets get filled with pain and horrible scenes and one day may overflow. It’s different for everyone. But once your bucket overflows, you need help to regain your balance.
I hope your buckets never overflow, but with time and The Critical Incident Team’s help, I can now go have a punch on the same dock with family and friends and the memories stay where they belong.
~ Doug, Foster City Firefighter (retired)
